Redneck Esme
by Golden Vampire Eyes
Summary: Edward shows Esme country music, Emmett and Jasper make a bet, who will win? Review please.


Nobody's POV

**Nobody's POV. Esme is back! But with Country! OWN NONE OF THE MUSIC**

It was yet another day at the Cullen household. Carlisle was in his study as always. Edward rushed into Carlisle's study. "We have another problem." Edward said.

"What's genre this time?" Carlisle mused.

"Well, I showed her country music and Emmett is recording it." Edward explained. Carlisle and Edward raced downstairs. Esme was once again in the kitchen, surrounded by her family.

"Esme." Carlisle said.

"It's cowgirl Esme to you partner." Esme said.

"Cowgirl Esme, you know your not Tim McGraw right?"

"I'll be who I want." Esme said.

"How do we solve this one?" Jasper asked. Cowgirl Esme cut him off by singing.

"Husslers shootin' eightball  
Throwin' darts at the wall  
Feelin' damn near 10 ft. tall  
Here she comes, Lord help us all  
Ol' T.W.'s girlfriend done slapped him outta his chair  
Poor ole boy, it ain't his fault  
It's so hard not to stare  
At that honky tonk badonkadonk  
Keepin' perfect rhythm  
Make ya wanna swing along  
Got it goin' on  
Like Donkey Kong  
And whoo-wee  
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma  
There outta be a law  
Get the Sheriff on the phone  
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on  
That honky tonk badonkadonk  
(Aww son)" Esme sang.

"Why in the world did you show her country!" Carlisle hissed at Edward.

"I wanted to see if she would become an addict." Edward looked at his feet.

"Well if she pulls anyone out to dance, then it's you! You have to copy what dance she does also!" Carlisle hissed again. You could hear Emmett and Jasper making a bet in the background. Jasper wins if Esme sings anymore genres after this, then the bet is that if Jasper wins, he gets to pick out a song and Esme and Emmett dance and sing to it. If Emmett wins, Jasper has to wear an outfit for a whole week in public, of Emmett's choice. Esme started to sing again.

"Swing batter batter Swing batter batter Swing batter batter Swing  
Swing batter batter Swing batter batter Swing batter batter Swing  
(Strike one)  
Hey baby do you do come here often  
(Strike two)  
Hey baby now what's your sign  
(Strike three)  
Hold on now where you goin'  
(He is out)  
Jimmy's out next in line  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing

(First Base)  
Why yes I went to Harvard  
(SAFE)  
I majored in pre-med  
(He's got a big lead)  
(Picked off)  
Just stayed for one semester  
(It could be he's out)  
Toms out who's next  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing  
Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing  
Swing it now

Everybody strikes out nine times out of ten  
But you got to step up to the plate son 'cause every now and then  
(Fast ball)  
She walked right up to me  
(Here's the pitch)  
Said could I take you home  
(Theirs a drive)  
Hey boys I'll see you later  
(It could be, it...it is!)  
Goin' goin' goin' gone  
(Swing batter batter swing batter batter swing batter batter swing)" Everyone in the room took a step back.

"Well, who the hell speaks country? Or redneck?" Alice asked. But again before anyone could answer Esme pulled Edward onto the counter with her then she started to sing and dance.

"Well I ain't never  
Been the barbie doll type  
No I can't swig that sweet champagne  
I'd rather drink beer all night  
In a tavern or in a honky tonk  
Or on a 4 wheel drive tailgate  
I've got posters on my wall of Skynard, Kid and Strait  
Some people look down on me  
But I don't give a rip  
I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip

Cause I'm a redneck woman  
And I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raisin'  
And I say "hey y'all" and "Yee Haw"  
And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keepin' it country  
Let me get a big "Hell Yeah" from the redneck girls like me  
Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah

Victoria's Secret  
Well their stuff's real nice  
Oh but I can buy the same damn thing on a WalMart shelf half price  
And still look sexy  
Just as sexy  
As those models on TV  
No I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me  
You might think I'm trashy  
A little too hard core  
But get in my neck of the woods  
I'm just the girl next door

Hey I'm redneck woman  
And I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raisin'  
And I say "hey y'all" and "Yee Haw"  
And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big "Hell Yeah" from the redneck girls like me  
Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah

I'm redneck woman  
And I ain't no high class broad  
I'm just a product of my raisin'  
And I say "hey y'all" and "Yee Haw"  
And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long  
And I know all the words to every Ol' Bocephus song  
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country  
Let me get a big "Hell Yeah" from the redneck girls like me  
Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah

Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah  
Hell Yeah

I Said Hell Yeah" During the song Esme was spinning, dropping, twirling and Edward was copying her.

"Again who speaks redneck?" Alice asked.

"I do." Rosalie spoke up. Everyone gave her incredulous looks. "What! I used to like it when I was human."

"Fix my wife." Carlisle demanded but he was cut off by another song.

"Little Jimmy Jackson is jackin' up his Bronco  
He's gonna lay a little rubber later on at the truck pull  
All the girls are getting' pretty sprayin' on the White Rain  
Yeah they're gonna get a rowdy tonight down at the football game  
Yeah

We let it rip when we got the money  
Let it roll if we got the gas  
It gets wild yeah but that's the way we get down  
In a Hicktown

Well you can see the neighbors butt crack nailing on his shingles  
And his woman's' smokin' Pall Mall's watchin' Laura Ingalls  
And Granny's getting' lit she's headin' out to bingo  
Yeah my buddies and me are goin' muddin' down on Blue Hole Road  
You know You know

We let it rip when we got the money  
Let it roll if we got the gas  
It gets wild yeah but that's the way we get down  
In a Hicktown

We hear folks in the city party in Martini Bars  
And they like to show off in their fancy foreign cars  
Out here in the boondocks we buy beer at Amoco  
And crank our Kraco speakers with that country radio

We let it rip when we got the money  
Let it roll if we got the gas  
It gets wild yeah but that's the way we get down  
Oh Oh We let it rip when we got the money  
Let it roll if we got the gas  
Its buck wild yeah but that's the way we get down  
In a Hicktown  
In a Hicktown  
It's the way we get down  
In a Hicktown  
Yeah in a Hicktown" Carlisle pushed Rosalie to Esme.

"Howdy there y'all, ya wanna go check out the music store?" Rosalie said with a redneck accent.

"Yeee-Haaw! Sweet man! Ain't stayin round here much longer." Esme said. They walked to the piano room and Edward started to play.

"How you like that racket?" Rosalie said in a hick voice.

"Rosalie, what did you just call me." Esme growled.

"Your not a hick anymore!" Everyone ran and hugged her.

"Never! Ever! Again!" They all shouted in unison. Esme nodded.

**What did you think of Redneck Esme?**


End file.
